Dear 18 year old me

This feels like a week of reflection for me. Of seeing how far I've come, relishing and celebrating in how far I have to go but really deeply, just being excited by all of it. 

There is this overwhelming sense of change in the air that I feel just keeps magnifying as 2013 creeps on. Our higher selves are calling us out and egging our desires on and I am simply adoring the energy. The desire for feeling better is there, doing better, stepping up and stepping out. Out of comfort zones, out of shitty situations, out of our shadows.  

And I am here, believe me I am here beautiful - cheering you on as you go through your own change and desire chasing. 

I turn 25 in 2 weeks, just 2 weeks. I have been excited about turning 25 since my teens, and I really honestly couldn't tell you why. 25 and I have just always had this bangin' connection - and now I'm in the year of my impending 25th, I feel it. Feel the energy, the excitement. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off in to 'real life' and pursue exactly it is that I want, day in, day out. Love. Writing. Travel. Sharing. Exploring. Helping Others. 

Like I said though, this week has been heavily reflective and after sharing 16 tips on what I have learnt thus far on living & letting go, I wanted to go deeper. So. I wrote a letter. A letter to 18 year old Anna...and it went a little something like this...

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Dear 18 year old Anna.

hey crazy girl. Slow down. You’ve got this.

Those insecurities that seem to be controlling you, that developing anxiety and that lack of self love and complete unsureity of who you are is in fact not who you are at all. It’s ok though, you’re going to figure it out...like you always do. Would you believe if I told you in just a few short years you’re going to be a girl who knows who she is and lives life with a fire in her belly and a sparkle in her heart? I know it sounds like you’ll never (everrr) get there. But you will. You’re going to love yourself, every part of your mind & soul – which is the exact opposite to right now.

You aren’t going to want to hear this but those tears you cry at night, sob in to your pillow in fact that self doubt that just won’t go away, they’re both trying to tell you something. Listen to that hunny. Pay attention. You can tell yourself you’re happy all you want but no amount of searching for love with guys, investing time in negative friends and denying your real truth is going to get you to the place you want to get to.

Genuine Peace. Self Love. Self Respect.  It’s all on the way.

You think you can’t be who you want to be without alcohol, fakeness or acceptance from others. But guess what lady, you can. You have this spark inside of you, simmering, just beneath the surface; that is so so ready to shine you just have to believe in yourself with all of your being to let it out.

You’ll get there though. I promise.

You need to start reading books, now. One’s that inspire you in unimaginable ways. Keep journaling. That spirit coming out through your private words is going to come out in big ways one day. Eat better, sleep more, trust your gut. And babe. I mean trust your gut. You need to keep your dream of travelling through Europe too. Oh the places you will end up seeing with the love of your life – it will change you, change you right to your core, for the very best. You will find yourself out there. In the streets of Spain, in the cafe’s in small French towns.

There’s a guy in your life that you are almost ready to give up on, hang in there though. My god hang in there. He IS worth it, his more wise than you’ll ever imagine, more supportive than could ever be possibly explained and truly utterly perfect. You’ll fight, sure, but your passion for each other is undeniable. Just remember that and your souls will find the connection that they’re dying to make.

You’re turning 25 in exactly 2 weeks. An age you’ve been excited about since you can remember. You’re healthy (17kgs lighter in fact), abundantly happy – not fake happy either, supercharged soulful ‘shit this feels amazing’ happy, engaged to the man of your dreams, and have found your passion and zest for life through writing, achieving big goals that make you feel good & helping others find their own spark, enthusiasm and radiance in life.

You’ve got far to go but please, just enjoy the ride. You’ve survived this far and believe me, there are bigger & more beautiful things ahead.

Keep shining girl,

Anna x