My weekend "off" & why you need one too

It cut through me like a freezing cold splash of water over my body, words that no person in a couple should ever be let said twice... "I feel like I'm going to have to schedule my own time with you this week just to see you". 

It was Morgs letting me know he felt a little disconnected from my seemingly mayhem'ish 'to do' and 'to see' list for my week ahead. I felt terrible. No matter how busy I can seem (remember this post though? We're only busy because we choose to be) I never want anybody, let alone Morgs to feel like I don't have time for them or like they're not a huge priority in my life (because if you're in my life - you are). 

So, I took immediate action. I cancelled (with love & good intentions of course) every.single.'thing' I had booked for the weekend just gone and spent every waking minute with the man (minus a special breakfast date with my soul sista Morgs made me keep as he knew how special it was to me). 

The result? 

A weekend of bliss. Of laughs. Of relaxing. Of life catch up. Deep Sleep. Of 'being'. Of re-connection. Of Understanding. Of new motivation and love. Of Japanese eating, coffee drinking, furniture buying, movie watching bliss. 

I slowed down, right down and got to just be in every moment. I rush. A lot. So to not have to rush anywhere or finish something to go somewhere else was a nice reminder of how life should be and I am setting a new big shiny intention each and every week to revert back to managing life a little slower and better. 

The extra goodness from the weekend just gone? As Morgs sat and laughed our little heads off in a small cafe we connected with 2 couples seated next to us in their late 70's. Never one to shy away from learning from in love couples who have 50+ years of marriage under their belt, I had the opportunity to ask them what their secret to love & marriage was...& this is what the said: 

"respect each other as an individual as much as you do together as a couple. Don't ever become clones - always honour the others differences, hobbies & uniqueness, & never stop laughing together" 

So beautiful, your mission this weekend (you have the time to plan this now) is to disconnect from crazy schedules, mayhem'ish 'To Do's' & 'To See' and Reconnect with some soulful time with yourself (+ a loved one who you want to remind you love so so dearly). Go for a long walk. Get lost in a cup of your favourite hot drinks. Lounge comfortably and watch a movie. Whatever it is, be present. Make them feel like they're worthy of your time, your presence and your words - because after all, our relationships in this life are what make it all the richer. 

Wishing you love, peace and warm hugs as you embark on your own weekend of soulful wellness. 

Advice from the last year

For all the topics I write about and advice that I share, I always hope that it is recieved in the same gesture that it is written, with love and sincerity. I adore writing and sharing what I do but what I think makes it so special to me is that I never pick the topic, then write about it, the topic just always seems to pick me. What does that even mean? Well unless you're Mr M & live with me and see how crazy me and my train of thought is, its hard to understand, but when I think of something to write, it is always something that has been on my heart or in my head for awhile & I know when it needs to come out. Nothing is ever forced, it just was meant to get put on paper the way that my heart or head is telling me it should be. That's why I feel so many of you relate, you were meant to read it at certain points in your life, just as I was meant to share it at that particular time. I am blown away by the beautiful and thoughtful comments left on posts each and every day and truly wanted to say thank you. This week I had an urge to write about how the most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself - but when I started to write I knew straight away that it just wasn't meant to come out yet. I had a little more to learn before I shared it. What I did honestly keep getting though was all the previous posts I've shared on love and life and when I had a thought to compact my favourite ones in to this post, I knew that was meant for today. So here they are, some of my favourite 'articles' I've written over the past year of having the blog (all that get shared on my dating website Possibly Maybe as well). I hope you find something meant perfectly for you for at this exact moment in your life. Have a smashing weekend filled with everything you want it to be xx

This old love - I got to share advice, real 'out of the mouth' advice from couples who were celebrating their 50 & 60 year wedding anniversary, and those who were turning 100. I had asked them all the same question, 'what was your secret to love and ageing'.

Stop accepting shit behaviour - A tough one to write and an even tougher one to share but it talks about how you should never be accepting less than desirable behaviour from anyone, especially your partner in a relationship. Maybe today this is the day you see in Black & White just exactly how you're being treated, and realise it needs to stop.

Change - it's not always for the best - This one is strictly for relationship advice. My mum brought me up to believe that you can never change anyone (i.e your bf) but more importantly, you shouldn't ever want to change anyone. There is not one thing I would change about Mr M, his quirks are just what make him that more adorable. Remember that you have your life's destiny and they have theirs. Important to read if you feel that your relationship would be great "if he'd just change that one little thing"...

Dear 16 year old me - This one was inspired from an incredibly powerful skin cancer advert I had seen (and shared on the blog) where patients of skin cancer shared advice they'd give their 16 year old selves if they could turn back time. I loved the idea - so here is my own letter to my 16 year old self about the advice I'd love to have been told.

Getting over your ex - This is SO hard to do and incredibly painful to work through. This article I shared some healthy ways to truly start healing your heart and soul and make that final decision to cut him and the pain from your life - to look forward, and never look back.

How to make your relationship last - After Mr M & I shared our 5 year anniversary and are more in love than ever I was inspired to share some of our own advice when it comes to keeping your relationship alive. A personal post that meant a lot to share. P.s Mr M had his own advice which is intertwined in the post so its from us both!

It's ok - Short title but long article with a lot of heart. It discusses how It's ok, it's really ok that you might not be exactly where you wanted to be at your age, or you might not have set the right goals. Let it go, love yourself and remember it's never to late.

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My week, with Instagram

Each year I try to take away one huge lesson that I have learnt be it through experience or personal growth. I of course don't limit my whole year to just one lesson, I believe that almost everything we go through, good or bad, is there to teach us a lesson - the trick is to be aware of this and allow the lesson to be learnt. They say to never let failure get to you, to treat it as just something you learnt so you can do better next time, and I love that. That we can go through life not with failures or let downs, but instead lessons. This year I am already very aware of my huge take away lesson - that of course could change, especially with my impending trip - but at present,  it is that if I don't ask, I won't ever know. I think we're so scared of answers to questions or fear rejection - on any level - that we don't always ask enough of others, and especially ourselves. They say life begins at the end of your comfort zone, and trust me that asking for things that you ordinarily wouldn't pushes you right on out of that comfort zone. You think you deserve a payrise? ask for one. You are getting a little tired of a friend or family member putting you down too often. Ask them to stop. You really like a guy and would love to see if he'd have a coffee with you? Ask!! You aren't happy with things in your life at the moment? Ask yourself why you're not happy & why you aren't doing anything about it. The worst that can happen is they say no. Please don't ever look at that like rejection though - you never know the circumstances or situations going on with others and things in life, just look at it like a lesson, whatever you can take away from it, even if that lesson is learning to be more assertive and courageous. At the very least, you should be so proud you put yourself out there a little and like with anything in life,you will get better the more you do it too. I'm so excited for all my future 'lessons', I'm ready for what the universe has in store for me and that is the most beautiful lesson of all. I dare you this week to ask for something you have been wanting for awhile but just been too scared to ask for. There is nothing holding you back - only yourself xx


1. Drinking a big glass of red wine after a long work day
2. At breakfast with a gf who is about to move to the U.S to work in Washington D.C
3. Enjoying a delicious coffee with a breakfast date with my gf - we have been on a quest for almost a year now trying to find the best breakfast in Perth.
4. Morning walk with Mr M around the beautiful river in Perth
5. Some quiet contemplation by the river.
6. Drinking some delicious Rose' wine in the sun with a gf who was over from QLD
7. My Printstagram pictures arrived - ready for a nice DIY when I get home from Europe
8. Enjoying the warm Winters sun by the water - 25 degrees in Winter, Perth is so amazing.


You can follow me on Instagram at lifesshinyprettythings

Is there really 'The One?'

Is there really the one?

I remember when I was a little girl and being told of this mystical theory that everybody had that one somebody out there who was their soul mate, their ‘the one’. I thought the same thing back then as i still do today and that is – you don’t have ‘the one’,  love and soul mates are what you want it to be and are only as amazing and awe inspiring if you put the work in.

The thought of a soul mate when I was growing up honestly stressed me out. I used to think ‘but what if my soul mate happens to live half way around the world? What if i never get there and we never meet?’ Im serious. So my partners in the meantime are just in betweeners? People there who sure I loved but weren’t the one, so it was me just biding my time till I met the one?

That just wasn’t’ an acceptable theory for me growing up.

The other question I used to ask mum as I got older concerning soul mates was this. What if, just what IF I find a lovely man who I wed and was blissfully happy with, and he dies in a tragic accident, but I then go on to find and wed another lovely man who makes me equally happy. Which one is my soul mate? A little deep for a teenager huh but I felt that if people were trying to tell me there were limited soul mates for every person in the world, how stressful that would be.

See, the thing is though, in my opinion, either one could have been my soulmate. If we worked hard at our relationships my time with them would have been rich and full of love so who or what is to say that neither of them were better than the other or was more of the one than the other?

There is a saying that goes – You may think the grass is greener on the other side, but if you take the time to water your own grass it would be just as green.

I love it, simply love it.

I think that sums up my belief about love being what you make it and what you put in perfectly. Too many of us are looking for bigger and brighter sparkles outside of our relationships instead of tending to our own relationship. In lamen terms, we think the grass is greener over the other side of the fence, instead of tending to our own grass (relationship). But guess what? When you have found a great partner who loves and supports you unequivocally then work at it. Work at it hard. Don’t be thinking if they may or may not be the one for you. What should be your focus is fighting through harder times, relishing in the good times, enjoying every other time in between and nurturing your love as you let it grow and grow – your own grass will get greener and greener. You don’t need to think is there someone else out there for you who might be slightly taller, a little more understanding, a little tidier – if you work hard at this love, your love, and make your own relationship amazing the term soul mate becomes more apparent.

I’m not saying that every boyfriend or girlfriend is your soul mate either. What I am saying though is don’t question if you’ve found the one if you’re happy and fulfilled in a relationship. To me, your ‘one’ is whoever you choose it to be, whoever makes you happy, whoever is willing to fight as hard for your relationship as you are and who loves you, unconditionally.

There IS no such thing as “the” one. You have lots of ones, you just have to find the right one. your one. 

8 tips to keep the spark in your relationship

I will always take advice whenever I can get it from people I love, people who know a thing or two and people who have proved to do it right time and time again. If you look at beautiful old couples who are celebrating their 40th, 50th or even 60th year wedding anniversary's they are always full of incredible advice. I've been given many a tip over the years from couples celebrating such remarkable milestones like always be sure to at least laugh together once a day and to make sure there are no bosses in the relationship - you're both equal. I wonder though, what are the little things that 'make' a relationship sparkle. The everyday moments that keep the zest alive. I found this advice by Dr Goldsmith and loved it. These are all things Mr M & I do and I'm sure in 60 years time when we're being asked our advice by the gran-kids on what made our love so strong (a girl can dream) a few of these tips will be on our lips. 

8 Tips to keep the Spark in your relationship

1. Make your morning time special by bringing your partner a cup of coffee while he or she is still in bed or even just getting ready for work.

2. Make the time at the end of the work-day when you first see one another extra special by giving each other a 10 second hug and kiss. You will both feel more deeply connected throughout the evening. Also remember to touch your partner affectionately throughout the day, not just when you want to be romantic.

3. Make time to make-time. Plan a romantic rendezvous during the week. You can get a room at a local hotel or plan to have the house all to yourselves. Just the anticipation of being together in this way will add spark to your romantic life.

4. Whenever you can, take the time to give your partner 100% of your attention when they want to talk to you. Put down the remote control or whatever you're reading, face your partner and say "What would you like to talk about?" It will make your partner feel loved and important to you. (this is something Mr M & I are very big on, being present to each other not just 'there')

5. Take the time to tell your partner that they look wonderful, beautiful, sexy, handsome, or whatever words you use to let them know you think they are looking particularly gorgeous. We all have doubts about our looks and hearing that we are attractive to our partners is a very important part of creating a romantic relationship.

6. Before you leave in the morning tell your partner that you are looking forward to seeing them when you return. Never leave the house without acknowledging your partner or saying, "I love you."

7. Next time you are shopping alone, get a couple of little "surprise gifts" for your partner. The next time he or she is feeling down, give them one of the gifts. This is a wonderful and uplifting act of love and it will be remembered for a very long time.

8. If your partner is having a rough day offer to take them out or make dinner for them. If they are the one usually doing the cooking this will be a welcome change and a sign of your appreciation. If they are experiencingstress at work, it will be a great way for them to unwind from a tough day.

Photo Source 1, 2

The 5 love languages explained

I believe in fairytale love - nay, I believe in heart stopping, gut wrenching love, love that is so beautiful it makes life well, make sense. I believe that life was meant to be shared and love is one of the biggest aspects of it - for all of us, no matter the age, race or sex. But really, plainly and simply I believe in love with all of my heart. It is with this attitude that I am constantly on the search for awe inspiring, breathtaking experiences with Mr M and why we both continually look for ways to love and support one another and grow and nurture this crazy little love we share. When we discovered this 'thing' called love languages we gave it a 'crack'...that was 2 years ago and that 'thing' is now the foundation of our relationship. I am only sharing a snippet of the full article here, (it's quite long) but you can read the full article over at Possibly Maybe (my other fun little business I run). Have a magical weekend & I will see you back here on Monday xx P.s I'd love to know what you think your love language is once you've read it! Mine is Acts of Service & Mr M's is Touch.

The 5 love languages ... 
A few years ago I was given a book by a dear friend as he knew I had started a dating website and thought it might have been of use to me. I had never heard of it before but as soon as he explained it to me - I was intrigued. It was called ‘The 5 love languages' by Gary Chapman. In the book it explains that everybody has their own unique love language that falls in to 5 ‘languages' which are - Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

The book in a nutshell explains that everybody feels loved through their love language being ‘spoken' - or better put ‘acted out'. The best way I can explain this is to give you examples directly from the website:

Words of Affirmation

Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-with the TV off, fork and knife down, 

Receiving Gifts

Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for,

Acts of Service

The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.

Touch

This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face-they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love

This whole thing might sound crazy, or your typical ‘girl v guy' kind of relationship, and if you want to call it that then fine, but at least realise that there could just be something to this.

I dare you to do the quiz and find out which is your love language. Do a little more research on it and see for yourself just how much sense it actually makes and how much more fulfilled in a relationship you'll be once both your love languages are communicated.

Goodluck! I want you to get all that you need out of a relationship as more and hope this only takes your current or next relationships to new strengths.

Photo Source 1, 2

5 Great articles for Mind/Body/Spirit Wellbeing

Another week has come & gone and as I say au revoir to my working days and bonjour to the long weekend I am  not sure whether I want to drink a whole bottle of red and put my dancing shoes on or slip in to my pj's and sleep the weekend away, it really has just been one of those weeks. A week though, might I had, that has possibly been the most exciting and busiest one of my life to date - not counting the week that I finished my degree and walked out of my final ever exam and on a plane to Thailand to party & celebrate my brothers 30th birthday - that was bigger than the hangover part 2. With that being said, I thought this week was as good as any to reflect back on my most favourite articles I've written for Possibly Maybe that I like to share on here every Friday also. I'm still loving to learn and grow Possibly Maybe and am determined as ever to make it the number 1 spot to go to in Australia for finding love, advice or even just some great date ideas. Whilst I determine whether it is a party weekend or more of a relaxing kind of weekend here are the words I've written for you, - and will continue to write for you - with love.  I hope you all have a magical weekend. P.s Click on the hyperlinks to take you to each seperate article.

Change vs Growth - a look at the over used term of 'you've changed' used negatively instead of respecting the fact we're all just human beings trying to find our own path in the world. 

Don't write them off just yet - How many people are you passing up by not being open to all the possibilities and opportunities coming your way (just because they don't fit your list that is a mile long?) It might be time to assess that list. Think about it!

To attract a King you have to be a Queen - you give what you get and you attract what you put out. Are you putting out the right energy and behaviour? Maybe not.

Happiness & you - I never claim to be an expert, but this was my little take on living a happier life.

Don't accept shit behaviour - a tough read for those not willing to admit to themselves they might be accepting said shit behaviour but an important read nonetheless. Your happiness, health and fulfillment are so important to leading an amazing life - it starts with expecting the best kind of behaviour from yourself, and your loved ones. 

Respect - 7 words, so many different meanings but I try to sum it up in this article and invoke some more respectful behaviour. Respect and understanding - We all crave it but do we all live and lead by example?

Have you got a favourite article from the above? Or any other advice I've shared on the blog? Id love to hear your own personal favourite pieces of advice you live by in life or love xx

Photo sources 1, 2, 3

5 years

There is a very special person that always seems to feature often on my blog, a lot of the time without meaning to, but that's just the thing you see, they are such a special and big feature in my life - I am talking about Mr M. I first introduced him properly with this post and over time have explained our love story and we have actually just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. He surprised me with a day trip over to Rottnest island and we spent the day eating, swimming, drinking, and riding bikes, it was so blissful and so much fun. A lot has happened to us over the 5 years both individually and as a couple but we make sure to grow together and independently and to support one another whilst of course, always laughing along the way. So here's to love. Through good times or bad, our special someones swell our hearts and make the world spin that little bit faster.

Advice after 5 years of Dating

I read something incredibly profound yesterday ... Life is only 4,000 weeks. Now, I don't know about you, but I measure my time in weeks. I don't think I ever mean too but if I am ever talking about how fast time is going it is generally accompanied by "I can't believe how fast that week flew by". Just 4,000 weeks. Depending on how you look at it is either a lot, or a little and of course your life could be more, or less. For me however, I read it and went that's it?? Never have I been more motivated, more inspired and more excited by the fact that the future is mine and those 4,000 weeks of life I have been gifted need to be lived in the most remarkable way possible. This isn't what inspired this weeks dating advice, but it made me realise after writing it that I am lucky to have found someone to live out the remaining 4,000 weeks with. So remember, if you're unhappy in love or life, you only have 4,000 weeks - that's it. Make yours count.

p.s If you want to read more articles that I write like attracting a king, being more approachable & Respect ... then visit it here

5 years & counting

Love is a crazy thing isn’t it? It is also a fun, incredible, world defying thing whilst at the same time being a jealous, angry, confusing thing. I honestly know I have never experienced and doubt I ever will experience such a profound feeling as love. I think I am one of the lucky ones though as 5 years ago, I walked in to a party – sure I was drunk - and met someone who would become the one who fulfils all of the above. An amazing start to a love story? Hardly, but a heart stopping love? Absolutely. Although only 24 (his 28), I think a healthy 5 year relationship does give you some credentials when trying to give some relationship advice... and here is mine.

Argue but don’t say mean things – keep your fights short, relevant and clean. No point in saying things you don’t mean anyway and keeping tallys on who said what or didn’t do that.

Forgive quickly – they love you, you love them, your arguments are petty in comparison to the love you share so why waste even a second holding on to a grudge or anger when you’re only going to forgive them down the track anyway.

Support their dreams – this is the essence of someone, the thing that motivates them, excites them and ‘is’ them. To not support their dreams is to say you don’t believe in them and belief is at the core of every human being.

Respect them – pretty simple to understand this one but respect them not just as a boyfriend/girlfriend, respect them as the whole individual they are and all the roles they fill – friend, brother, sister, colleague, and so on. This is important to understanding them.

Fall in love without loosing yourself – be consumed by all means and adore spending time with them but keep your own hobbies, friends and interests too. You’re still an ‘I’ just as much as an ‘us’

Laugh together – you don’t need to have the same sense of humour to be able to laugh together. Do this daily. It makes for a fun relationship and one where you can laugh through the good and bad times (and we all know we go through both).

Talk less, listen more – you will both be surprised how much more gets communicated and how much more you open up after a long hard day instead of saying ‘I’m fine’.

Find each others love language and speak it – don’t know what I’m talking about? For shame. This is my relationship golden rule. There are 5 love languages – Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch. Figure out which one each of you are, do your research ... and start speaking in each others language.

Find your own rules & groove and go with it – everybody is different, which means every relationship is different. Find what works for you both and work on that not trying to emulate other people or relationships you think work.

So there you go. This is a snapshot of why I think after 5 years of a relationship I am falling more in love as each year goes on. Most importantly though, just love and have fun. We only have one life and it’s yours to live so make it count with the right person.

10 tips for living a fulfilled life

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Some time ago now, I had read that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit, just 30 days. I was fascinated by this and set out to think of something I could do positively for 30 days to create a new habit. Initially I thought of riding my bike to work, but then realised between that, the gym and my yoga, it was too much and something I could see myself not following through with. So I went back to the drawing board and really thought about what I could do, and then, it dawned on me. Reading. I love reading, but always seemed to 'not have time' or 'not be able to find the right book' excuses that stopped me from just stopping and sitting for however long it took to enjoy some 'me reading time'. So, for 30 days, each night before I went to sleep, I read for 30 minutes. That was over 2 months ago now and a day won't go by without me feeling the need to sit and read for 30 minutes. I seek out articles, great books, inspirational quotes... whatever I can find to inspire my mind. In light of this, I do happen to find some fantastic words along the way and last night was no exception. I found this website, and found the most beautiful article with pieces of advice for living. So although this week I am not writing on love or dating, I feel the below had to be shared. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

1. Memorise something everyday

This will leave your brain sharp and your memory functioning, you will also have a huge library of quotes to bust out at any moment

2. Constantly try to reduce your attachment to possessions

Those who are heavy-set with material desires will have a lot of trouble when their things are taken away from them or lost.

3. Develop an endless curiosity about the world

Become an explorer and view the world as your jungle. Stop and observe all of the little things as completely unique events. Try new things. Get out of your comfort zone and try to experience as many different environments and sensations as possible. This world has so much to offer, so why not take advantage of it?

4. Learn to focus only on the present

The past is unchangeable so it is futile to reflect on it unless you are making sure you do not repeat past mistakes. The future is but a result of your actions today. So learn from the past to do better in the present so that you can succeed in the future.

5. Smile more often

Whenever you get a grin on your face, your brain is releasing serotonin, the happy hormone. Smiling is the natural way to force yourself to be happy.

6. Be honest at all times

Lies lead to nothing but trouble. Being known as trustworthy is an excellent trait to maintain and essential to having integrity.

7. Figure out what your goals and dreams are

So many people wander aimlessly through life simply go for whatever small thing they want moment by moment. Instead, decide what your perfect life consists of and begin to put the steps in motion to reach that place. The most satisfying thing in the world is overcoming a challenge and reaching a goal. We are the happiest when we are growing and working towards something better.

8. Develop the ability to forgive

Forgiveness is something that most people fail miserably at even thought it’s so simple. Grudges only bring more misery to those who hold them and prevent good relations with the target. YOU makes mistakes all of the time so why not have mercy when other do.

9. Come up with a life mantra

You know, like “Carpe Diem” or “Live life to the fullest,” but not as cliché. Make it something that really hits home with you so that you will actually stick to it. Make sure it’ not so specific that it rarely applies but also not so general that it’s not personal.

10. Do what you love

There is a huge difference between making a life and making a living; which one are you making right now? So many spend their entire lives trying to make as much money as possible so that they can afford to do what they really want later. It makes no sense to settle in life until you’re 65 so that you can retire and do what you want when you’re already WAY past your prime. We only live life once so why wouldn’t you want to spend it pursuing your bliss?

What are your rules in life?

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There has been only a few other times in my working career that I have been so happy to see Friday, and today is one of those days. It's been a hectic week and I can't wait for some relaxation and rest over the weekend. I am babysitting my 8 month old niece for the first time tomorrow which I am bursting out of my skin from excitement for. Mr M's dad and mum have just picked up their new Great Dane puppy - Draygo - so we will be seeing a lot of him this weekend. Here is this weeks advice brought to you from me with love. P.s If you are new and want to know what compels me to write these articles then visit my other website I started to bring back some love, respect and chivalry in to dating.

Breaking the rules

Rules. 5 letters but no matter how many interpretations, it essentially, holds the same meaning for most, and when a rule is broken, especially one of your rules, in life or love .. problems develop. But what if it didn’t have to be like that? What if you didn’t have to get so upset or angry when you felt somebody broke your rules? Well I believe you don’t have to, and like with everything it just takes a different perspective.

Life is an incredibly complex experience, an experience that brings us so many overwhelming emotions. We have the ability to love, to hate, to cry, to laugh, to be angry, to let go. We are amazing beings – so why then, do we set ourselves up with our own rules to be let down so often.

You might not think you even have rules, but I assure you ... you do. Your rules are your beliefs about what has to happen in order for you to feel good or happy about yourself or the experience.

Let me give you an example. Say you’re in a relationship, and in that relationship you believe (whether it is spoken or not) that for you to feel loved or know that your partner loves you they must do and say certain things, otherwise you don’t feel loved. The list could be a mile long. It might include things like the following; they must say I love you a few times a day, they must text or call a few times a day, they must always check with you first before they make big plans, they must think that you’re perfect as a partner. Now re read those rules. Do you feel they are realistic?

Honestly?

The above rules are set up for failure. At any point on any day, any number of these rules could be broken but at no point does it indicate that your partner loves you any less – it just means that your rules are unrealistic. To be fair, your partner will have their own set of rules which are more than likely just as long – but therein lies an even bigger problem, if you both have different sets of rules who’s are right or wrong? The answer is both your rules are right, they’re yours, but what can you do in this situation then? It’s simple. You either need to start communicating very clearly what your rules are to each other or, get better rules.

Imagine, just for a second if instead of having a long list of specific things that has to happen for you to feel loved, it was as simple as ‘when I do something nice for them and they appreciate it, when I wake up to them every morning and go to sleep next to them each night, when we laugh together’ .. Healthy relationships would have the above happen every.single.day, so how beautiful that you can feel loved just by changing the rules. That means that on any day at any time, you can feel loved because you and your partner shared a laugh together, because that morning you got to wake up next to the love of your life. And sure, maybe it is beyond frustrating when they leave their shoes laying around, or upsetting when you feel they don't talk to you as much as you talk to them, but it's not worth ever getting upset or angry over.

Change your rules to be more simplistic, make your rules broader, because feeling loved and happy is easy, it's up to you how easy you want to make it.

Life is already complicated enough without us adding extra rules that are unrealistic and that  cause more pain than happiness. So let go. Change the rules, and see just how much more love and happiness you let in to your life.

I dare you.

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5 tips for getting over your ex

We're only 9 days away from Christmas and in true silly season form, life has been incredibly hectic this past week - with days and nights only getting busier in the days to come. I share with you again today my weekly Dating Advice and hope you enjoy this particular post or that it comes to you at a relevant time. Everybody has an ex, so everybody understands the hard work and emotional roller coasters you go through to get through the breakup. Everybody has their own way of dealing with things which makes us all .. us, but here are just some of my little reminders, and as always, come from me to you with love and light xx


Getting over your Ex

So why is it that we allow ex’s to affect new relationships long after our relationship with them has ended? I believe there is a number of reasons for it. One reason could be you that you forgot the reasons why you broke up in the first place and always second guess the break up (which by everyones standards should be a big no no). A second reason is the fact that there really are no ground rules for a breakup and so you just don’t know how to cut that contact completely. Both are viable reasons, but when it comes down to it, Ex’s are ex’s for a reason and to allow that relationship to affect any part of your life going forward is, well it just doesn’t add up.

So, although there are no rules to break up’s or those dreaded relationship with a past boyfriend or girlfriend, what can we do as a generation to improve our standards when it comes to our ex’s? Below are some tips my girlfriends & I have learnt over the years:

1. GET CLOSURE

It’s easy to say that this is the hardest step, but it’s the one that will give you the most peace if you do it properly. If you look up closure in the dictionary you will find: “a bringing to an end; conclusion” - & this is exactly what you must do with your relationship. You have to fully accept that there’s no chance of a reconciliation between you and your ex, if your holding on to even a glimmer of hope, you won’t get the closure you need & can’t properly work on moving on. Do what you have too to close that chapter of your life off & focus on what’s ahead – not what you’ve left behind.

2. STAY AWAY FROM THEIR FACEBOOK, WHERE THEY HANG OUT & THEIR FRIENDS.

Sounds easy, but I guarantee almost all of you at some stage in a breakup have tried to find out what your ex is doing, who they’re talking to and so on. I ask you this though. WHO CARES? They’re not in your life anymore, probably for a good reason. Accept that, stop trying to run in to them or find out what they’re doing....and move on.

3. GIVE YOURSELF TIME

In a fantasy world, we’d all love to be super human and get over ex’s with lightening speed & minimal emotions – but realistically – that will not happen. So give yourself time. As little or as much time as you need, there is no right or wrong amount. So get a new hobby, find some new hot little coffee spot or re connect with old friends. You’re going to have more time already without that other person in your life so make sure you use that to really give yourself closure.

4. HAVE FUN!

Sure we’re all allowed those dark moments where you stay in your pyjama’s all day eating junk food and listening to sad music (guys don’t write this off as a girl thing – you’re have been found just as guilty!) but don’t let that be all you do as a getting over your ex mechanism. Round up your friends, find a place your comfortable with and get out there. You may not even need to do this however – it could be as easy to you starting to say YES to invitations to go out with your friends that you’ve been saying no to. You’ll soon discover life does go on outside the confines of your room or house.

5. FOCUS ON WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

Easier said than done I’m sure. But people forget how amazing they still are when there’s a break up. Make sure that the focus is on re discovering what makes you happy, what brings fun in to your life and go out there and do it. It could be visiting new restaurants, taking a walk by the ocean, reading books, anything! Sometimes people stop focusing on what made them happy when they’re in a relationship that’s coming to an end, so ensuring you re discover those things will keep you focused on being the best person for yourself.

psst - I saw this little quote and thought it was perfect for today's post. It's only a small picture but it's words spoke loudly to me.

Relationship Advice on Change

I am so passionate about this particular subject I'm sharing with you today that I know everyone of any race, religion or age can relate too. Change. My mum brought me up to believe that you can never change anyone, but more importantly you shouldn't ever want to change anyone. You have your life's destiny, I have mine, as long as you're living true to yourself, and not hurting anyone then you have the key ingredients for a healthy happy life. In honour of my weekly Friday dating advice post though this particular dating advice is relative to change in people you're involved with. I hope you've all had an amazing week - it was particularly perfect for me xx

Change - It's not always for the best

Change. That 6 letter word that people are either afraid of or embrace. And with good reason too. The problem with change though is in relationships or dating – it really isn’t always for the best.

Of course, change in general can be a good thing. In fact, I'm a big believer in embracing change when it comes to personal growth, what I am against however is trying to change a person, within a relationship.

What people forget in relationships & love is that you have to love and be solely committed to who that person is, not who you want them to be. Never get in to a relationship thinking that you can change someone, as chances are – you can’t and even if you can, the person you’re trying to change may resent you for it. Even if it is for the best, that choice however is not up to you, and nor should you want to change the person you love.

It’s up to an individual to assess their own flaws and work at changing them, IF they want to. It’s not up to us as the other person in the relationship to point out their flaws and try to change them ourselves. It’s like most things in life – people have to want to help themselves before real change can happen.

So before you decide to date someone next, and feel that“they’d be perfect if I could just change that habit” (or size or hobby) ... then DON’T date them. You’re doing both yourself and the other person a favour as you’re both going to find people who love everything about you – flaws and all!


p.s besides, why waste you're time changing others when you can change the world with acts of love & kindness ... think about it xo

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Stop accepting Shit Behaviour

This weeks dating advice is one of the first articles I ever wrote for my website Possibly Maybe .. It's something I believe a lot of girls won't admit or they allow to happen as it's a lot easier to make excuses to stay in a relationship than to get out. So why would I write an article about getting out of a less than ideal relationship when I own a dating website so want you in a relationship? Because I truly care about women being the best they can be and never staying in something or with someone when they know that they shouldn't. It's a slightly in your face read but sometimes that's what it takes.

Don't Accept Sh*t Behaviour

Regardless of age, gender & sexual preference, this rule applies for everybody. If right now, in whatever relationship you're in, be it booty call, bit of fun or serious and you're one of those people accepting this so called shit behaviour - WHY??

Sure it's hard to hear, harder to admit & probably hardest to then change, but NOT putting up with shit behaviour is SO beneficial to your health & happiness.
If you are one of these people that are accepting shit from others I have 4 words for you - You're wasting your time.

You could be allowing this to happen for a number of reasons, and no one is here to judge that. What you do need to work on though, is finding out why you stick around when there is someone else out there wanting to treat you like the amazing person you are.

You know very well what is the right way or the wrong way in how people treat you, so why then allow someone to treat you in a way than is less than what you deserve.

Talk a walk with me for a moment to fully understand the scope of the point trying to be made. You're in your mid twenties and seeing someone who you think is your ideal partner. Then tiny cracks start showing - they've hooked up with someone & blamed it on you not having set boundaries, they constantly blow you off for their friends or just simply talk down to you one too many times. To some, this is enough evidence that this person isn't right & certainly not worthy, so they leave. For many of you though, you make excuse after excuse somehow convincing yourself that's not the person they really are or that you can change them (gasp!) Why why why? Leave and don't look back.

And I mean....DON'T look back.

You're an amazing person, you know this you might just have forgotten how amazing with the busyness of life & every day demands. And of course let's not dismiss the fact that we all do want someone special to share things with so you can be forgiven for needing to be reminded this once to NOT accept behaviour you don't deserve.

So why would you settle for anything less than exactly what you're looking for? There's really no excuse, and if there is an excuse, well then there is qualified people who are able to help you with those problems - so go & get that help!

There's someone out there wanting to treat you like the Kings & Queens that you are, so stop accepting shit behaviour in your life & expect better from others....and from yourself.

Yours in light & love xo

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